ダンダー&ミフリンのNY本社。マイケルが面接日の前日にデイヴィッド（いちばんえらいひと）を直撃。彼は心配になってやってきたのだ。「新ブランチではだれがボスになるのか？」と聞いたら「もちろんきみさ」といわれて安心した。ほんとかな。

ジムがインタビューに備えて髪を切った。カレンに「ホームレスに見えないようにしろ」といわれて彼はそうしたのだ。前回、パムの感動スピーチの後のビーチで、パムとジムはゆっくり話をして仲直りをしたと明かされた。

Pam: After I had my little outburst at the beach, Jim was really nice about it. He just basically said that he missed my friendship too and I would always mean a lot to him and I understand where he's coming from. For the record, I am not embarassed at all. It needed to be said, and I said it, and it only took me three years to summons the courage, so thank you.

マイケルは自分の後任にドワイトを推薦することにした。ドワイトを泣かせた手紙↓

Dwight, congratuations a-wipe. Don't screw the pooch.

パムとジムは仲直りしたが、パムとカレンは仲が悪くなった。「ビーチのことだけど」とパムが声をかけ「気にしないで。わけわかんないことを口走っちゃうことってだれにでもあるから」「わけわかんないことじゃないの。あれはずっと私がいいたかったことなの」「 ... 」

Karen: Pam is... kind of a bitch.

女たちの戦争が始まるんでしょうか。わくわく。面接は明日である。カレンはジムを誘って今日のうちに出発してひとばんNYでスィートに過ごそうと提案する。2人は早退することにした。同じ日にマイケルも面接だから、彼は2人といっしょに行きたかったんだけどだめになった。以下はケヴィンとジムの会話。

Kevin: So Jim, who do you think is hotter? Pam or Karen?
Jim: Yeah, I'm not going to talk about this now.
Kevin: Pam is taller.
Jim: You sure?
Kevin: Yes. She has bigger breasts, too.
Jim: Wow.
Kevin: I think Karen has a prettier face.
Jim: Uh, hmm. Uh, hmm. What else?
Kevin: Well I mean Pam's face is really pretty too. It's a very tough call.
Jim: Hm. Really tough call.
Kevin: Yeah.
Jim: You know what? Why don't you take the rest of the day, figure it out and then come back and tell me what you got.
Kevin: Will do.
Jim: All right.

マイケルが既にNYへ移る気になってて早くも家をebayで売ったなんてみんなに明かした。ドワイトがボスに昇格するっていうんで、アンジェラは王妃になるかのようなきぶんになり「グッバイ、ケリー」とつぶやいた。ドワイトはジムのボスになれるかもしれないと大喜び↓

Dwight: Jim, Jim, Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
Jim: Oh hey, Dwight.
Dwight: I am gonna be your new boss. It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never.
Jim: Does my room have cable?
Dwight: No. And the sheets are made of fire.
Jim: Can I change rooms?
Dwight: Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.
Jim: Can I have a late checkout?
Dwight: I'll have to talk to the manager.
Jim: You're not the manager even in your own fantasy?
Dwight: I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!
Jim: Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil?
Dwight: Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet.
Jim: Go.
Dwight: Eighty thousand dollars a year.

Dwight: Once I'm officially Regional Manager my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.

オフィスにジャンが乱入。彼女はマイケルとヨリを戻しにやってきた。マイケルはアッサリ彼女の魂胆に落ちた。ナニが "bigger" だったんでしょう？！アレです。

Michael: So, I guess we're getting back together.
Pam: What happened?
Michael: Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger.

Michael: Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly. We didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. Love is a mystery.

ジムとカレンはNYに到着。そして夕方になって、マイケルも帰り支度を始めて彼はお別れの言葉を残して去った。翌日、3名は本社に来て面接を待つ。マイケルは自分の優位を確認するように、ジャンのアシスタントのハンターに声をかけた↓

Michael: Hey! Hunter! Wha's up my brutha? This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire.
Hunter: Uh, administrative assistant.
Michael: Jan in yet?
Hunter: I think she's comin' in... later.
Michael: Could you give her a message for me, when she gets in?
Hunter: Sure.
Michael: Just say, "I want to squeeze them." It's code. She'll know what it means.
Hunter: Okay.
Michael: Oh, and Hunter? Could you tell her, "Brbrbrbrbr!" also?

一方、いつものオフィスでは、ドワイトはやるきまんまんでマイケルの後釜に座る。みんなはウンザリするが、アンディだけは喜んだ。ドワイトは彼をNO2に選んだのだ。マイケルがいた頃のジムのポジションにアンディが座ったというわけで、さらにドワイトはパムを呼び、かつての自分のポジション、Assistant Regional Managerには引き続き自分が居座ると述べた。つまり彼は自分で自分のアシスタントをするという。そして、パムには「Assistant Regional Managerになったフリをしろ」と命じた。つまりパムはこんどからはSecret Assistant to the Regional Managerなんだという。パムは了解した。

てわけで、マイケルはNYに異動する気まんまんで自分の家を売り、カレンはジムとパムを引き離すには異動がいちばんと考えており、ドワイトはマネージャーになった気でいるけれど、まだマイケルたちの異動が決まったわけではないのである。という点をお忘れなく。

Dwight: You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession.
Pam: Thank you.
Dwight: I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated, you wouldn't understand. I want you... to be Assistant Regional Manager.
Pam: Really?
Dwight: Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position.
Pam: You will be your own assistant.
Dwight: Correct, I need someone I can trust. But I would also like the title... to be secretly applied to you. Just stripped of its pomp and frills.
Pam: Okay. So... you would be the Regional Manager, and the Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your number two. I would be the Secret Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight: Mmmmmm, let's call it Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.
Pam: Mm-hmm.
Dwight: Do you accept?
Pam: Absolutely, I do.

Pam: I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, "Absolutely, I do."

NY本社。マイケルの面接が始まった。なんだか謎めいた会話である↓

Michael: Hello, hello!
David: Michael, good to see you!
Michael: Good to see you. Here are the post-merger performance stats that you asked for.
David: Oh, great. I've been meaning to thank you by the way. You didn't lose a single customer during the merger, and you still managed to trim the budget? That is nice work. [Michael smiles] So, let me ask you a question right off the bat. What do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
Michael: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael: Well, my weaknesses are actually... strengths.
David: Oh. Yes. Very good.
Michael: Thank you.
David: Very good.

いつものオフィス。ドワイトはさらにやるきまんまんで、ドル紙幣を大きくコピーして自分の顔を真ん中に入れ、これはSchrute Buckだと説明した。よいことをすればSchrute Buckがもらえるという。それは100分の1セントの価値があり、1000Schrute Buckを集めたら、お昼休みを5分延長してもよいという。さらに彼は「マイケルと私の違いをよーくわかるように教えてやる」といって「会議室に集合！」と大声をだした。パムは「ジムがいればいいのにな」と思った。

Dwight: Listen up! Come to the center of the room, please. This is a Schrute Buck. When you have done something good, you will receive one Schrute Buck. One thousand Schrute Bucks... equals an extra five minutes for lunch.
Pam: What is the cash value of a Schrute Buck?
Dwight: Excellent question, Pam. 1/100th of a cent.
Oscar: So ten thousand of your dollars is worth one real dollar?
Dwight: Just... zip your lid! Another announcement. Michael wasted an enormous amount of the group's time and patience with non-work related ethnic celebrations and parades of soft-minded dogoodedness. No longer. No more meetings!
Stanley: Amen.
Dwight: Instead, today I will begin my first lecture in a long series of lectures designed to increase your knowledge on the world of paper.
Kevin: Do we have to?
Dwight: Yes! Michael is gone. There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is "me." Conference room! Ten seconds! All of you!

Pam: I literally cannot wait to see what Dwight has planned. And I wish Jim were here.

NY本社。マイケルの面接が続いているが、ここでBIGなニュースがマイケルの脳を直撃する。ジャンとヨリを戻した矢先、なんとジャンがクビになるというのだ。そしてマイケルが彼女のポジションにつくという。えええええええええ！？なにがあったのだろう。マイケルは自分が昇進したらジャンの直属になると思っていたのだ。

David: What do you think we could be doing better?
Michael: I've never been a big fan of the name Dunder Mifflin. I was thinking we could name the company something like, "Paper Great. Where great paper is our passion. We're GRRRRRRRRRREAT!" I don't know, could be good. Or, uh, "Super Duper Paper. It's super duper." I don't know, something like that.
David: Okay!
Michael: Okay.
David: Thanks for comin' in, Michael.
Michael: Thank you.
David: It is always a treat when our paths cross.
Michael: It is always a treat when our paths cross. So, oh! Before I forget, I wanted to let you know, if you hadn't already heard, uh, Jan and I are back together. So... I may need to fill out one of those love documents again.
David: You're back together.
Michael: Yes. And I am very excited about the prospect of working under her... or on top of her. Mm, that's not sexual, just... we're all professionals.
David: Okay, uh. Well, I thought it was clear in the description, the position... the job you're applying for... is Jan's job.
Michael: I don't understand. So, we're gonna tag team it?
David: No, we're letting Jan go.

いつものオフィス。ドワイトのプレゼンが行われる中、スタンレィのギャグが冴えてます。

Dwight: Listen up. Let's start... from the ground up. Where does paper come from?
Kevin: Trees.
Dwight: Trees! And where do trees grow?
Kevin: Forest.
Dwight: Soil. Right. We have, in front of you here, seven different types of Pennsylvania top soil. Now, what would you say... is the most important element in the production of above ground leafy growth? Probably phosphorus, right? Wrong! It's nitrogen! Absorb this information. Good! Now, let us discuss precipitation. Stanley! When rainfall occurs, does it usually fall in a liquid, solid, or gaseous... state?
Stanley: Liquid.
Dwight: Very good! You have earned one Schrute Buck.
Stanley: I don't want it.
Dwight: Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute Bucks!
Stanley: Make it 100.
Dwight: We don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
Dwight: Okay.
Andy: That's it!
Dwight: What!
Andy: Class is canceled, everybody out!
Dwight: No wait, what are you doing?!
Andy: I'm punishing them.
Dwight: No, no, no, wait! Class is not canceled.
Pam: Hey! Come on! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation!
Oscar: What are you winking for?
Dwight: Zip your lid!

NY本社。こんどはカレンの面接。デイヴィッドはマイケルのことを彼女に聞いてます。いったいこの異動話のウラになにが ... ?!

Karen: So, that's my basic 5 year plan. And after that, who knows?
David: Okay. Uh, now, this may seem like an odd question, but...
Karen: Yeah?
David: What do you think about Michael Scott?
Karen: He's a very nice man. And he's very well suited for the job he has now.
David: This is off the record.
Karen: He would be disaster.

面接を終えたマイケルはジャンとバッタリ。

Jan: Hey you!
Michael: Hey.
Jan: How was your interview?
Michael: Pretty good.
Jan: Yeah?
Michael: Could have gone better I guess.
Jan: Oh. I'll put in a good word for you.
Michael: Cool. Maybe you should do it sooner rather than later.
Jan: What?
Michael: Daaah, let's just run away together. Let's just run away to Jamaica and live in a bungalow. You have some savings right? You could pay off my debts. It would... be fine. We'd have fun. Jan: What's... what's the matter? What... what happened in there?
Michael: I can't tell you.
Jan: Tell me what?

怒りのジャンがディヴィッドを直撃。

Jan: You son of a bitch!
David: Jan, this isn't the time, we're in an interview.
Jan: You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off?
David: Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic.
Jan: Erratic?
David: Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work! You smoke constantly in your office. You spend most of the day online shopping. You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days. Always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. You go to Scranton far more often than you used to...
Jan: Is it because of these?
Michael: Wuuuoooh, hey, whoa, Jan
Jan: No, I wanna know. I wanna know! Because if it is, then, then, then I will see you in court!
David: It's not.
Jan: No?
David: It's not.
Jan: 'Cause he likes them. Okay? He likes them. And, and that is, that is all I care about.
David: The time has come for you to end your professional relationship with this company. You are clearly unstable.Michael: Hey! You're unstable!
Jan: Yeah!
Michael: No... We're all unstable.
Jan: Okay, you know what? I'm just not leaving. I'm not leaving. Not leaving.
Michael: David, I did not tell her.

結局、ジャンはクビになり、荷物をまとめて出ていく。彼女はハンターに「バンドをやめちゃだめ。あいつらの色に染まっちゃだめ」と言い残す。ディヴィッドはマイケルの昇進をとりやめるといい、マイケルは彼女の後釜に座ることを拒否したので、彼は元通りにサクラントン支社のマネージャーに。その頃、ドワイトはそんなこととは知らずに自分のオフィスの壁のペンキ塗りをしていたが。

Jan: Bye Hunter.
Hunter: Bye.
Jan: Good luck with your band.
Hunter: Oh, thank...
Jan: Don't let them change you, okay? So long, peeeeeee
Michael: So, I am gonna... give her a ride home. Let me know about the job.
David: Actually, Michael, I think we're gonna take it in another direction.
Michael: Good, I'm glad we're on the same page. I have a lot of ideas for new directions.
David: No, we're not giving you the job.
Michael: You know what? That... is actually good... because, um, I don't think I could take... my girlfriend's job. That's not being a good boyfriend. So, I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. Do you accept my withdrawal?
David: I do.
Michael: Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. Still have my job in Scranton, though.
David: Yes.
Michael: Good. That's all I ever wanted. These two. Either one of them... excellent candidates.

という一連の騒動を見ていたカレンとジム。カレンは「こりゃラッキーだネ」とニコニコし、ジムが大昇進しそうだと喜んだ。彼女はもう面接が済んだので、NYの友達に会うからといって出ていった。このシーンの最後、NY支社の受付嬢が電話を取るシーン。いいセンス！That's why we watch "The Office"! ってかんじです。これがたまんない！ワカルでしょ？

Karen: Wow. That was some serious... hardcore... self destruction.
Jim: Yeah. Kinda feel bad for her though.
Karen: Don't! She's nuts!
Jim: Oh, man. You know what? This might take a while. You really don't have to stay, if you don't want.
Karen: Okay, good! Because, um, a bunch of my friends are meeting downtown for lunch. And, I was gonna meet them, so...
Jim: Okay.
Karen: Just call me when you're done.
Jim: Sure.
Karen: Good luck, Halpert.
Jim: Thank you.
Receptionist: Dunder Mifflin, this is Grace. Sure.

マイケルは傷心のジャンを送っていった。車の中で彼女はピーピー泣きだす。ジャンの演技、スバラシイ。

Jan: Oh, God! I mean, I just don't understand! It's just so rude, you know? I mean, the absolute nerve of that guy!
Michael: I know. I know, I'm sorry about that. That was terrible.
Jan: Oh, just... No, actually I think it's good, you know? It's fine, actually, I do. I really think it's great that it happened. Because, you know, my work has always been the thing that has gotten in the way of my happiness, so...
Michael: Well, it's... No, don't cry, it's gonna be OK.
Jan: Oh, I know, I know. It's just... I'm sorry. It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. Ohhh! They make my moods totally unpredictable! Wow! What am I gonna do?
Michael: I don't know. Well I guess... you could come and stay at my condo. I think I could back out of the sale. Probably get some negative feedback on my eBay profile.
Jan: Live together. Actually, wait a minute! This could be great! This could be perfect! You know, my full-time job could be our relationship. I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. It could work. This could work, really!

てわけでマイケルはサクラントンにトンボ帰り。これからドワイトとどうぶつかるんでしょうか。わくわく。

Michael: Everybody, may I have your attention please? It is with great honor and privilege that I announce to you that I have officially withdrawn my name for consideration from the corporate job. I know, I know, I know. "Michael, what are you thinking? You were a shoe in." Well, got down there. I nailed the interview. And the strangest thing happened. Why is my office black?
Dwight: To intimidate my subordinates.
Michael: That's stupid.
Dwight: It was Andy's idea.
Michael: You shouldn't have taken it. Bad management! Good thing I'm baaaaaack. Ryan, coffee.
Ryan: I don't do that stuff anymore.
Michael: No, it's for me, bimbo. Kids.
Michael: So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place... is like the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my graveyard for my bones.
Pam: Did Karen get the job?
Michael: Back to work. Still waitin' on that coffee.

Dwight: Pam, hello.
Pam: Dwight, hello.
Dwight: I wanted to thank you for helping me when you held the title, Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office with great dignity.

Pam: No, I don't know what the future holds, but... I'm optimistic. And, uh, I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I... are just... too similar. Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. But you that is, a, um, you know, not A man. A man version. But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. I'm not a gay.

NY本社。ジムの面接。やっぱりディヴィッドの本命はジムだったようである。ジムにとっては異例の大昇進でわくわくする。ここで彼は鞄の中にパムが残したメモを見つける。Jim, Don't forget us when you're famous! Pam" そしてヨーグルトのフタでつくったゴールドメダルがあった。いやんもう。泣けちゃう〜。これはたぶんずいぶん前にオフィスでオリンピックをやったときにつくったヤツかも。ジムは動揺し、デイヴィッドに「スクラントンではなにが一番楽しかった？」と聞かれて「フレンドシップ」と答えた。ここでフラッシュバック。前回のビーチ。足を冷やしているパムにジムが話しかける。

Jim: How are your feet?
Pam: Medium rare. Thanks.
Jim: The real reason that I went to Stamford was because I wanted to be not here.
Pam: I know.
Jim: And even though I came back, I just, I feel like I've never really come back.
Pam: Well, I wish you would.

残り数分のラストはサイコーだ。

Pam: I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him... and, if he never comes back again... that's OK. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just, we never got the timing right. You know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me, and... But you know what? It's OK. I'm totally fine. Everything is gonna be totally ...
Jim: Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?
Pam: Yes.
Jim: All right. Then... it's a date.
Pam: I'm sorry, what was the question?

さらにこっちでは新たな破局が？！

David: So, I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty. But, after some more thought, I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. Great! I'm so glad. We're all very excited you're going to be joining us. It'll be nice to have another MBA around here.
Ryan: I'm excited too. Okay. Bye.
Kelly: Who was that?
Ryan: Nobody. You and I are done.
Kelly: What?!

感想

パムのスィートなゴールドメダル、ライアンのjerkなスマイル、Kellyの "What!" のラインが絶妙です。Goldです。文句ナシです。人生です。このおもしろさがわかんないヤツは死ねってかんじ。Totally, Incredibly, Abso-fruitly, AWESOMEです。

title: 3-24, 25 :: The Job
aired date: 2007/05/17
Writer: Michael Schur, Paul Lieberstein
Director: Ken Kwapis