今週の冒頭ギャグはちょとムズかったです。最後のオチの "disadulation" って、ありえない言葉で、つまり本当はそんな言葉はないんだけど、いかにもありそな創作ワードでドワイトを脅したちゅう意味かなと思ったんだけど、違ってたらだれか教えてくださいプリーズ。

Jim: Hey.
Jim: Oh, what's this?
Dwight: That is a demerit.
Jim: "Jim Halpert, tardiness." Ugh. I love it already.
Dwight: You've gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Jim: Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean?
Dwight: Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Jim: Lay it on me.
Dwight: Three demerits and you'll receive a citation.Jim: Now that sounds serious.
Dwight: Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt... in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim: Which would be me.
Dwight: That is correct.
Jim: OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
Dwight: What's a dis... what's that?
Jim: Oh, you don't want to know.

ところで今週のお話はフィリスが駐車場でflashedに遭遇したという話。flashedって『露出される』ていう意味です。つまりいきなりアレを見せちゃう痴漢です。みんなは驚いて、クリードだけは「大したことないぢゃん」と冷静だが、男も女も変態が近所をうろついてると知って暗い雰囲気になる。そこに遅れてマイケル登場。

彼はフィリスが変態男にナニを見せられたと知ってギャハハと大ウケであり、ズボンのジッパーをおろしてそこから自分の人差し指を出してみせた。「戻ってきたぞおおおお」と叫んだらみんなはドンビキで、この凍った空気がザッツマイケルってかんじです。ここに遅れてトビィがきた。マイケルは「もしかしてトビィが痴漢じゃないの？ちんちん見せてみろ」とやったら部屋の気温は零下50度。Welcome to Michel's World!その後のマイケルの告白↓

Michael: In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time, she pretended she didn't hear me.

その次のジャンと電話するシーン。ジャンってスゴすぎ ... 。

Jan: Michael
Michael: Huh?
Jan: Come over after work tonight, OK? I miss your body.
Michael: I don't know. I feel I drive a lot. I'm spending a fortune on gas and tolls.
Jan: I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser.
Michael: Um, I don't know. That makes me kind of uncomfortable.
Jan: $300?
Michael: uh, well, I don't know.
Jan: You know whatever. Just let my assistant know if you're coming over so he can get more vodka, OK? Hunter, are you on?
Hunter: You got it, Jan.

女性たちを守るために露出狂の痴漢を捕まえろっていうんでドワイトが立ち上がった。彼はマイケルの命を受けてタスクフォースを指揮することになった。彼はいままでいくつタスクフォースをつくったか覚えきれないくらいだ。子分はアンディ。ドワイトはパムに命じて、犯人の似顔絵を描かせた。それはドワイトにヒゲをつけた顔にそっくりだったんだけど、彼は気づかずにそこらじゅうにその似顔絵をコピーして貼りまくる。

一方会議室ではマイケルが演説する。彼は女性たちにさっきの暴言を許してもらいたいのだ。

Michael: I would like to apologize for all of the men who thought this was a laughing matter.
Creed: Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal?
Michael: Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.
Meredith: I don't remember doing that.
Angela: What a surprise.
Michael: OK, no catfights. Please. Let's my point is... my point is... a penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
Dwight: Alien. Blagh!
Michael: What are...? Shut it. Shut. Up. OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this.
Andy: If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models.
Kevin: Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me.
Karen: What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.
Michael: Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And I proves my point. Women can do anything.
Karen: I'm saying that you're being sexist.
Michael: No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
Karen: That - it's the same thing.
Phyllis: Michael.
Michael: Yes.
Phyllis: When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Michael: Because wha... that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
Angela: And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
Michael: I have to know whether you're serious or not.
Dwight: I wish I could menstruate.

ドワイトの一言。

Dwight: If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

この次の流れがフシギであるが、とにかく女性たちと関係修復したいマイケルは彼女たちをショッピングモールに誘った。みんなはポカンとし、ケリーだけがウヒャーと喜んだ。メレディスの車で行くんだが、このひともたまに出てきてはパンチのあるギャグをカマします。

女性たちの機嫌をとるためにモールにでかけたのだったが、結局、マイケルの人生相談をみんなは聞かされるハメになる。マイケルとジャンのコアなセックスライフを聞いたパムとカレンは「それ、イカレてるわ」と指摘し「その女はオカシイ」とみんなにいわれて、マイケルは泣きだした。彼はその場の雰囲気でジャンと別れなくちゃって思うようになった。

Pam: Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with.
Michael: Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing. I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex.
Pam: Oh, my God.
Michael: And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form.
Karen: That is not healthy behavior.
Michael: No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
Pam: Michael, you need to get out of this.
Michael: No, she's... she's fooling around. It's a woman thing.
Pam: No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad.
Michael: No... No, it's all right. I'm OK. I'm OK. You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan?

Pam: Read the pros first.
Michael: OK. Jan is smart. Uh, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt.
Phyllis: She does have very nice clothes.
Karen: OK, OK. Um, cons.
Michael: Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested.
Pam: What was the last one?
Michael: She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles.
Phyllis: No, the one before that.
Michael: I'm unhappy when I'm with her.
Pam: Michael... you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
Michael: I'm happy sometimes. Um... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having sex.
Karen: Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes.
Michael: Yeah, that's smart.
Pam: Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.
Michael: That sounds good too. I don't know who's right. I just don't - I don't know. I don't know.
Phyllis: I bet you know. Don't think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?
Michael: I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan.
Phyllis: My mom taught me that.

一方、オフィスの方では男たちが『女性専用ルーム（そんなのがあるんだ）』に入り込んで楽しくやってます。ケヴィンが「いっぺんやってみたかったんだ」と女性トイレに入ってみたり、ライアンがカレンにフラレたことがあるらしいとか秘密が暴露される中、クリードのコレがいちばんウケました↓

Creed: I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly.
number two, ウンチするという意味

マイケルはそのあと、モールで女性たちに人生相談のお礼にプレゼントした。帰りにタイヤがパンクして、マイケルはジャッキとレンチの区別もつかないという男なのだとわかり、パムがパンクを修理した。その後、マイケルは社に戻って、ジャンも現れて、2人はbreak up（たぶん）。最後のマイケルの台詞↓

Michael: Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain. "Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?" You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.

いやー、やっぱThe Officeはおもしろいですね。最後のシーンではドワイトが犯人の似顔絵は自分だったと気づいておしまい。

Dwight: Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute.
Jim: Hey, Dwight. It's Jim.
Dwight: Jim, what are you doing? I'm busy.
Jim: No, you're not. I'm looking right at you.
Dwight: Ugh. I'm hanging up.
Jim: Don't. I have information about the sex predator.
Dwight: You have information about the sex predator?
Jim: I saw him two minutes ago.
Dwight: Where?
Jim: In the women's bathroom, above the sink.
Dwight: Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink. Above the sink. Hmm. Pam!

title: 3-22 :: Women's Appreciation
aired date: 2007/05/03
Writer: Lee Eisenberg, Gene Stupnitsky
Director: Tucker Gates